Serving Suggestion

According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands use to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey (abbreviate Wash. Biol. Surv.), until the agency received the following letter from a camper:

"Dear Sirs,

While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible."

The bands are now marked Fish and Wildlife Service.

The Purina Diet

I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my dogs and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog --- duh! I was feeling a bit crabby, so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn’t because I’d ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV’s in both arms. Her eyes about bugged out of her head.

I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind the woman. Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and that was why I ended up in the hospital. I said no. I’d been sitting in the street licking my butt when a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.

What You See Is Not What You Get

A man was flying from Seattle to San Francisco and the plane had a layover in Sacramento.

The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft, the plane would re-board in one hour. Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman.

Another man noticed him as he walked by and could tell that the gentleman was blind because his Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him. He could also tell that he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him and calling him by name, said, "Keith, we're in Sacramento for an hour, would you like to get off and stretch your legs?"

The blind man replied, "No thanks, but maybe my dog would like to stretch his legs."

Now picture this:

All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a Seeing Eye dog. The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!

True story. Have a great day and remember ... things aren't always as they appear.